Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dicks are not precious.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
