I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
