Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wish there were birth control emojis
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
