So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize