I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
