I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
