guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
