A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Pappa wants mamma naked
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
