my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
