Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
