marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
