i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
