she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
BRING THE BAGELS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
