no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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