when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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