Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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