don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
