Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize