right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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