listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
