there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
