just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
