I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize