I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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