yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
