BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
