She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
