Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize