is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
