I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
