Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
