dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize