I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
