Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
