His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
