you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
