quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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