I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
