Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
