there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
