she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
