Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
