ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
