put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
