I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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