the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Pappa wants mamma naked
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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