I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You are a genius and a whore.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
