Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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