It's Friday. Sex?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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