i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize