He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
