with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
