it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Will exercising make me less horny?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
