News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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