is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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