It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
