Kiss
Puke
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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