It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
