yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
