I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
