Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
