I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
