You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
