Duck Duck Cougar?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
