just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
