I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
