Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
