she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
